Jerry, you need to find god
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
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I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
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By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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