who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I got her a Nickelback box set.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
