got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
