i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
