your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
cat food counts as protein by the way
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
