he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
