I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
