is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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