How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
