Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
time to smoke my breakfast
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just want nice things and good sex
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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