Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I am spending my child support on dildos
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
