wanna go halves on a baby?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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