Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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