Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
