I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
