just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
