I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
wow bdsm is so cute
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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