I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
