just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
