Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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