I love black thongs
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
