are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
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I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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