ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
