can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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