Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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