Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
