Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
