You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
