all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
