Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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