her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
