I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
