Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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