my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
