Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
be right there i have to get my cape
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
