I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
