Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
