They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
