It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
