Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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