don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
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