We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
