i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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