I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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