No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
