my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
