Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Holy shit dude........stairs
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
