very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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