We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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