Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize