i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
