the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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