Betty ford says i'm here all night
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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