Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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