I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
