Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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