walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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