My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
