New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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