Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
