i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
