I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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