You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
