It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
