you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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