can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
