I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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