U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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