Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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