Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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